Time to die

Right now my dad is driving Grandma to the hospital. He asked me what I thought about it and I said it was a good idea. Because if I’d told him otherwise, I would be admitting something neither of us is ready to: that there’s nothing we can do for my grandma. There’s nothing modern […]

2020 in review (kinda)

What to say about 2020? The year is testament to the saying that no matter how bad things get, they can always – always – get worse. The only good news we’ve had all year was Trump’s electoral defeat (the exception which proves the rule, if you ask me). But what few people know – […]

Internet people

Many many many years ago, my then boyfriend traded me for an internet person. I didn’t see it coming. At all. Sure we were having problems. Sure he had this online friend with whom he played his little computer games. But I’d never connected one thing to the other. And how could I have? This […]

A mini-breakdown (new and hopefully improved)

Today it finally happened: I cried. I just lay in bed, abandoned in my feeling of hopelessness, my computer resting on my belly, and I cried. I cried for no good reason. Nothing has really happened today. Today is no different from yesterday or the day before or any of these monochromatic days that seem […]

Excuse me, but I have a question.

Dearest F, I don’t mean to upset you. I certainly have no intention of making you uncomfortable in any way. However, there’s one thing I need to ask you before the world ends: how would you feel about kissing me again? Soon. Maybe next month, maybe next week, maybe tomorrow. I know that you’re scared. […]

Death

In my native language, Death is a woman. We imagine that a female body hides behind the Grim Reaper’s thick rope. And let’s face it, that little get-up has always looked like a dress to me. In my mind, Death is a pruny old spinster at a family party. And you’re afraid to glance her […]

Friends will be F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

I have friends. Real flesh and blood friends of the non-imaginary variety. Friends with whom I get together every Saturday night (through Zoom, of course) to talk about work and the apocalypse and the overwhelming pressure of time. Friends with whom I began sharing some of my writing. They’re very supportive and think I should […]

On having children – or not.

In English, the gender neutral word for sons and daughters is children. I love that. No matter how old the offspring is, they will always be their parents’ children. There’s a kind of poetic truth in that, I think. Because to my parents, my 38-year-old brother and I will always be children, even as my […]

Quarantine update

“Tell me something good. I need to hear something good.” That was the message I left F some weeks ago. Because I needed – and still do – some good news in my life. I need something to go my way. Soon. I texted him as I was watching my grandma have the tea I’d […]

Losing an unloved one

My mom’s mother died on Monday, in her sleep, after a twelve-year fight against Alzheimer’s. She was ninety four and lived in the countryside. We weren’t very close. This is what I tell people. This is the official version, fit to print. Except it’s not true. I mean, the beginning is true enough. But to […]