Time to die

Right now my dad is driving Grandma to the hospital. He asked me what I thought about it and I said it was a good idea. Because if I’d told him otherwise, I would be admitting something neither of us is ready to: that there’s nothing we can do for my grandma. There’s nothing modern […]

2020 in review (kinda)

What to say about 2020? The year is testament to the saying that no matter how bad things get, they can always – always – get worse. The only good news we’ve had all year was Trump’s electoral defeat (the exception which proves the rule, if you ask me). But what few people know – […]

Internet people

Many many many years ago, my then boyfriend traded me for an internet person. I didn’t see it coming. At all. Sure we were having problems. Sure he had this online friend with whom he played his little computer games. But I’d never connected one thing to the other. And how could I have? This […]

My writing soul

I’ve always written. And I’ve always loved writing. I tell people that I fell in love with writing when I was eight and one of my stories made my teacher cry, but that’s not really true. Even before I learned how to write, I would write stories in my head. It’s in my DNA, as […]

Death

In my native language, Death is a woman. We imagine that a female body hides behind the Grim Reaper’s thick rope. And let’s face it, that little get-up has always looked like a dress to me. In my mind, Death is a pruny old spinster at a family party. And you’re afraid to glance her […]

On having children – or not.

In English, the gender neutral word for sons and daughters is children. I love that. No matter how old the offspring is, they will always be their parents’ children. There’s a kind of poetic truth in that, I think. Because to my parents, my 38-year-old brother and I will always be children, even as my […]

Quarantine update

“Tell me something good. I need to hear something good.” That was the message I left F some weeks ago. Because I needed – and still do – some good news in my life. I need something to go my way. Soon. I texted him as I was watching my grandma have the tea I’d […]

Losing an unloved one

My mom’s mother died on Monday, in her sleep, after a twelve-year fight against Alzheimer’s. She was ninety four and lived in the countryside. We weren’t very close. This is what I tell people. This is the official version, fit to print. Except it’s not true. I mean, the beginning is true enough. But to […]

Where the f*ck is my wisdom?

This is life for you: you’re born, you struggle with the same issues your entire life, you die. Why the gloomy outlook, you ask? I’ve just spent the last hour looking for my students’ grades. I wrote them somewhere and I thought I had added them to the system, but apparently I haven’t. I’ve gone […]

A condescending inspirational message to my young students

Yesterday my grandma turned 93. My father’s mother, who helped raise me and who is responsible for the parts of me I’m most proud of, is now 93 years old. I couldn’t hug her, as she’s off in the countryside with my dad in quarantine. We did Skype, though, and I saw this brittle woman, […]